Monday, July 19, 2010

The Joke's On Me

Okay, this blog is about honesty, right? Well, here's some for you...

Half a day or so after I posted "Down The Rabbit Hole" my energy spiraled even lower and I panicked about writing a post a day (or for that matter, a post ever again feeling like I did). So, I deleted the post. Only to open my email an hour or two later to see that it had already been automatically emailed to the people who subscribe via Feedburner.

Oh God. If I were in a better mood, it might almost be comical.

Okay, so it guess I have no choice. And obviously I am already behind. And the truth is, when I am so low that it takes incredible energy just to move my body, writing seems impossible. What in god's name can possibly be said from that place? Where everything is viewed through a bleak gray lens, where I am overwhelmed by the simplist things; where taking care of myself is the supreme challenge, never mind taking care of my dog, cats, plants, home, yard; where all decisions of late, whether big or small, included but not limited to buying a home, moving away, the much-needed bathroom remodel, all seem collosal mistakes.

And the next question, who in heaven's name would want to read this....????

But then that was the whole idea, wasn't it? Writing myself through this, around this, out of this, further into this, whatever. And in that case, it's so not about whether it ever gets read. It's simply about the act of writing. Putting it down. Getting it out. Writing. Write, Debby, just write.

Write, Debby, just write.

Ah... Okay, I can do this...

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