Saturday, October 30, 2010

Preparation

November 1 is looming. Two more days until I begin—anew—my quest to make 30 posts in 30 days. In preparation, I am now officially a member of NaBloPoMo. I’m not sure what that means or how it all works, but I have a few days to figure it out.

I’m nervous. Just writing this post, I feel how shallow my breath has become with the anxiety of it. What in hell’s name will I write about each day? Most days the well seems dry as a bone. But then, that’s the idea, isn’t it? Wetting the whistle. Priming the pump. Getting it going so that it has a chance to start flowing. Living.

I know I’m afraid of boring my “readers.” Ugh… reminding myself again and again and again that it’s not about it being read. It’s not about impressing or entertaining or intriguing anyone. Maybe what I’m really afraid of is boring myself. Cuz if I’m bored, then what hope is there? And yet. I remember when writing my novel. Some days it energized me, some days it moved me to tears, other days it bored me practically to sleep. Maybe that’s just how it is; maybe it’s all part of the process. Some days I’d write awful, terrible, truly shitty drivel for hours and then suddenly, without warning, wham, with one sentence I’d hit the vein and it would gush. It was like I'd written all those hours to get to that place; a place that couldn't have gotten to otherwise. All part of the creative process. It’s not a mystery or rocket science. It’s pretty simple, really.

Just do it.

And yes, I see the correlation... (I hear my friend Linda whispering in my ear)... perhaps the creative art process is no different than the life process. That each day we live brings us to the next and the next and the next. Of course. It's obvious. But looking deeper, at this time in my life, with the inertia, the day in and day out seeming absence of meaning, life, purpose (think boring words for hours and hours), that it's possible, even probable, maybe even assured, that this is living me to the next day, the next thing, to that one sentence that sets it on fire, changes the course, renews, transforms, and brings a new level of living.

Just do it.

So, starting on Monday, I’ll just be doing it. Writing every day. Posting something every single day.

See you then.

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