Monday, August 29, 2011

Living the Questions: A Bit of a Dark Ramble


I've been saying for years that we can trust life, trust the things that are happening; trust that there are no mistakes or accidents or coincidences. How do we know the right thing is happening? Because it is happening. This I've heard over and over from people who seem to have experienced true awakening and observed life and our world from that perspective, from authentic knowing and seeing as opposed to intellectual conceptualizing.

I've also seen from the years on the spiritual path - and to my surprise - that the more I learn and think I "know," the more I see that I don't know, and the further the mystery deepens. I've always loved this, it's felt like its own brush up against the mystical and sacred, and an invitation, as Rilke put it, to live the questions now, rather than the constant quest for the illusion of security I think answers might provide.

Until the dark night that is...

Because the truth is, I have no idea what is truth and what is not. No idea if the right thing is happening, if there are mistakes or not, if it's even in our power to make lemonade when life hands us lemons; if life is the canvas to the imagination. (Though it sounds great, oui? though on second thought, maybe Thoreau had stumbled upon some wild mushrooms out there on Walden Pond :) I used to think so, I used to think we had much more control... before the Dark Night. Sometimes Life takes away even our ability to decide how we respond to things. This I do know from first-hand experience.

I think again of telling my teacher Isaac that I no longer have a clue what's true... and knowing his answer as surely as I know my own first name... Congratulations. And there is a sense that Life is not finished stripping it all away, any ideas, thought, beliefs about what is true or what should be, anything that stands in my way (of what...??), that as I go through my possessions and jettison ever more stuff, as my house continues to fall in value and I lose more and more money waiting for it to sell, as my mood rises and falls like waves on a stormy sea, I am left wondering what it's all really about, pondering the whole idea of mistakes and regrets and security, of what we know and don't know, can ever know or not know, of what is of value and what is not, what, if anything, can truly be trusted.

Living the questions... what choice do we really have? Well, other than making art - and even that doesn't feel like a choice, it seems to just happen - and enjoying the hell out of how people put words together to form a poetic and lovely and inspiring whole.


It could even be, couldn't it, that the Dark Night is a true and real, even necessary part of the path? That any idea of it being bad or wrong exists in the mind only. That what we can see, what we can know, pales completely in comparison to all that goes on in and around us invisibly, the tip of the iceberg being all that can be seen with our human eyes, all else lying beneath the surface, dark, mysterious.

6 comments:

  1. This post makes me silent Debby and feeds my soul ... I'll be back here when will have thought about it more, 'cause I want to let it sink a bit and to form coherent ideas ... Two things I want to say already:
    1/ the more dark things happened to me, the more I started to believe in Thoreaus word. Our mind really is powerful and although we cannot change everything what happens, the way we look to the world can change a lot ...
    2/ I do believe in the existing of a subjective and an objective truth at the same time ...
    Have a wonderful day and I'll be back soon ;)

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  2. I look forward to more, Cococita! :)

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  3. I've lost all the answers dear Debby. I see myself in your words. I know the feeling of the Dark Night, the fear of my own thoughts, the lost of Faith in almost everything (still believe in Angels! go figure!) nothing makes sense anymore. wish I could say something wise but I don't know what. I almost lost my sanity so I guess the world is really a canvas to our imagination, I faced my demons. I don't control them or understand them, the medication helps. I used to love being on Earth, I believe in reincarnation, and I wanted to come back. now I don't. it hurts too much. I don't search for answers anymore. and I don't ask questions. I'm just trying to heal and all I know is that I'm going to need time for whatever that means. so don't worry about the questions, or the answers, take one photo each day or whenever you feel like it. I started a September photo challenge today, each day there is a theme. had never heard of the one you found. I think you shouldn't think, just do it. just go with the flow :)

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  4. Ana, thank you for your honesty and for sharing some about your journey. I feel so honored, and so moved by your words. To me, there is wisdom even in such truthfulness, and when it is spoken so from the heart of the pain, a sacredness that I cannot deny. Yes, a day, a photo at a time. And I am eagerly following your Sept. challenge. I appreciate you so much :)
    xo

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  5. -Marvelous development and progression through essay, Debbie. Thanks! I needed this. -J.

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  6. Debby, your posts speak to my heart. Thank you.

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I love that you've stopped by... thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I'll make every effort to visit your blog as soon as I can. Enjoy your day.